Yesterday when I got home from school and opened my email, I received the following comment:
Baby Cakes.. you are cougar bait and all… but those jeans are alittle too tight still. I know you are excited and proud of your accomplishments… you should be. And its not that they are EMO… they are just one size too snug to be attractive.
Be proud of the new you - just make sure that you dress to impress.
I’d still hunt you down… cougar bait and all…. just would re-dress you first.
Which immediately made me want to punch something or someone, luckily no one was around. I did talk to Ryan and ask her if it was OK if I went ahead and acted like an asshole to the above mentioned “cougar.” She said it was perfectly acceptable, and then asked if she could do the same. I gave her the go ahead, and this was her reply, if you hadn’t read yet:
Hey, Cougar. There aren’t any Baby Cakes in 2008. But there is a hot piece of ass named G. Boone who IS dressed to impress, impressing young and old ladies alike. Well, young and old ladies who know well-fitting jeans when they see them and don’t feel a need to lightly shroud their generational gap with poorly constructed flirting. G. Boone is a stud in those jeans and out of them, and if your opinion is any different, I suggest you take your “cougar” self over to J. Jill for a new pair of stretchy pants because the only reason I can think you would want to hate on him in such a manner would be because the button of your mom jeans is jabbing you in your gut. Thanks and goodnight.
I’m really just disappointed she beat me to the stretchy pants thing. Did I mention Ryan is also studying to be a librarian? Apparently they do have their wild sides…
But in response to the stretchy pants cougar, who could also be upset that I posted this picture of her, I appreciate your concern for my pants… but how about you keep your backhanded compliments to yourself? Maybe I don’t want you to hit on me? If you really were a cougar, I doubt you’d be at home all day reading blogs and checking out “The Young and the Restless” while you drink your cold premium roast coffee from McDonald’s that you purchased earlier that morning while on your way to dropping your three ugly kids off at school.
Personally, when I imagine a cougar in my head, they’re just laying out in the sun all day. And they do 8 minute abs and buns of steel. And drink those drinks with the little umbrellas in them. Maybe if they’re drinking a hurricane the umbrella is a little messed up, because, LOL! IT WENT THROUGH A HURRICANE!!!!
So seriously. Maybe go to the mall. You’ll notice that really tight pants are in. Maybe you’ll also notice I have to wear a belt with those pants so they don’t fall off my ass.
One more thing…
BITE MY WIENER! BITE IT!
28 responses so far ↓
brandy in Canada // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I wish I could add something evil but I think you got your bases covered! The only way I could improve Ryan’s response is if the word “gut” was replaced with “gunt”.
christel // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:19 pm
geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereat…. now i can’t make my cougar comments.
way to screw it up for the rest of us, Lady.
DeeBee // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I’m not sure why you got so upset. I found it complimentary.
ashlee // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:55 pm
i thought the comment was snooty. but i just thought it was my mood.
Lisa // Apr 9, 2008 at 2:37 pm
What’s wrong with stretchy pants?
stephanie // Apr 9, 2008 at 4:20 pm
i like those pants on you, actually. see, they are still bunchy at the knees and ankles which means they aren’t TOO tight.
i also hate it when rail thin boys wear those pants because they have no ass, and so even though the pants are tight in the leg, they are saggy in the butt. making it look like they just shit their pants or something.
whatever, the j. jill bit was right on target and i bet she does wear the wrong kind of tight pants.
FIX YO’SELF GIRL, YOU GOT A CAMEL TOE
Sally // Apr 9, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Is that really her in that picture???
mel // Apr 9, 2008 at 6:01 pm
yes! best comeback ever. coldwater creek, though…that’s the store you want to throw at someone who should be wearing mom clothes. that…and ll bean. ha….
i hate cougars…
lostinutah // Apr 9, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I am certainly glad I wasn’t the cougar who made that comment!
P.S. George, some Cougars are okay. I seem to notice an anti-cougar bias in your posts. I refer to those Cougars that are “of a certain age”, attractive (hopefully) females and not anyone who attends/has attended BYU. Though I guess one could be both. At any rate, I thought being a Cougar wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it is, I’m not one.
Hanna Em // Apr 9, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I just heard this rant the other day.. except it wasn’t about tight jeans. Don’tcha hate it when the fashion police decides to pull you over for no good reason? I liked the jeans, it was the shirt that got my worried.
Robert // Apr 9, 2008 at 8:44 pm
You are gay. Those pants are too tight. Your sperm are dying.
Jami // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Dude coldwater creek is THE place for stretchy pants.
And btw you do look hot in those pants. So tell that lady to shove it. Fucking cougars trying to steal my interwubs hottie.
Liz // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:14 pm
o george. why do you amuse me so?
great text overlay effect. yes i am a typography geek.
Sarcomical // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:50 pm
grrr…not cool. way, way not cool. why are people so pissy?
p.s. i love the response letter. classic.
jack // Apr 10, 2008 at 6:27 am
the problem with putting it all out there on the net is sometimes you get responses you dont like! Buck up fella - who cares what she thinks about your pants - you feel good and that makes you look good, inside and out! Dont be sensitive to the internet blogger comments, it will kill you in the end!
StephFromOmaha // Apr 10, 2008 at 6:33 am
There was a guy (who I used to date) who made fun of me on Craigslist…my 2 best friends wrote him nasty responses and flagged the S$(% out of him. I still want to stick his balls in a George Foreman Grill, but the fact that my friends stepped up really made me proud.
I think you look great, and I dig the EMO jeans! Although, Jorts are my favorite!!
Torchness // Apr 10, 2008 at 7:06 am
I think jeans are only way too small if you can see… stuff. Like the “division sign.”
katie // Apr 10, 2008 at 7:07 am
I love those pants on you!
I don’t get people who read someone’s blog and feel they have the right to tell them how to live, dress, eat, think… all of that.
They need to get a life of their own! or just go away.
Sara // Apr 10, 2008 at 8:23 am
What a bitch! Yours and Ryan’s responses=friggin hilarious.
Samantha // Apr 10, 2008 at 10:04 am
I don’t think those pants flatter your figure at all, but I wasn’t going to send a stupid email like that! Those pants don’t flatter anyone’s figure though in my opinion!
cyndo // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:43 am
OUCH!….and I mean that in a multitude of ways.
Amanda // Apr 10, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Keep smiling. Keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me, for sure. That’s what friends are for. In good times, and bad times, I’LL BE ON YOUR SIDE FOREVERRRR MOOORRRREEE! That’s what friends are FOOOOORRR.
Chickpea // Apr 11, 2008 at 8:04 am
Maybe it’s just me, but other people were commenting on the jeans being tight so why unleash the wrath on the cougar? The re-dress you comment was stupid though so boo to her on that one.
Robert // Apr 11, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Two days after my first comment above and let me check…… oh yes, you are super gay.
PS “I must break you.” Too funny. Timing was perfect. I’m still laughing.
impy // Apr 11, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I like your pants. It makes me want to take them off you. I’m old. I’m married. I have 3 kids. I can’t keep my knees together when I see photos of you. Shameless. I know. But thanks.
MacKenzie // Apr 12, 2008 at 6:02 am
Robert, seems like SOMEONE’S a little uncomfortable with their own manhood, eh?
Just because George looks hot in tight pants doesn’t mean that you have to type that he’s a homosexual with your chubby little fingers.
And no, George will not do you.
GEORGE! // Apr 12, 2008 at 8:00 am
@MacKenzine Robert is my brother, don’t worry about it. He’s just filling in for my dad since he doesn’t read my website.
amy // Apr 12, 2008 at 8:27 am
aw, i dig the tight pants. cougars are just bitching because they can’t fit into such small jeans. or get you to bone them
the response = fucking hilarious
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