First off, let me just say that I love T.O. Owens even more now for breaking down and not even dissing The Romosexual.  And I still hold Jessica Simpson responsible.  The only way she can be forgiven is if MTV does a reality show of their offseason love affair and TO is a member of the supporting cast.

Moving on…

This past Saturday I decided to play in a church basketball tournament.  Trevon brought up the idea to me, and I figured, why not?  I don’t have to work on Saturday and I am actually in better shape now then I was when I last played basketball in high school. Yes, I said church basketball.

With Mormons.

I could tell things were off to a bad start when the refs called a reaching in foul about 12 seconds into the game.  My first thought?  I didn’t know Joey Crawford started reffing church bball games.  Anyway, I entered the game a few minutes in because no one was boxing Trevon out, so I was sent in to guard him.  20 seconds in I get a foul called on me after I stripped the ball from Trevon cleanly and he even told the ref I didn’t touch him. So, off to an awesome start so far.  A few times later down the court I drew a charge after someone ran into my chest WITH THEIR ELBOW!  But surprisingly, no whistle was blown.  Which I immediately responded with, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Yelling it so everyone in the gym could hear.  At halftime the ref tried to come over and explain why he didn’t call the charge, to which I replied.

“Alright, I’ve watched more basketball in my entire lifetime than you could even imagine.  Do not tell me just because the guy didn’t run into me squarely that it wasn’t a charge.  My feet were set and his elbow ended up in my chest.  Do not even try to talk to me right now.”

The look on his face said, “Hey, maybe I should take this guy seriously before he explodes and creates the first ever casualty in the history of church basketball.”  He talked to our coach and then walked off.

The horrible calls do not stop there.  In the second half, I got elbowed in the stomach.  That was awesome.  I started yelling at the ref again and he said he didn’t see anything.  I really wanted to punch someone in the face.  Good thing I held back, because if I did end up getting a technical I would have had to talk to my bishop before I was able to play again.

Seriously.  I would have to confess my sins on the basketball court before I could play for the Lord’s team again.  It doesn’t really matter anymore though, when I went in to work yesterday I found out that all my Saturday shifts had been switched to 9am instead of 1pm.

I guess Mormon Jesus doesn’t want to see the first ever church basketball casualty either.