Shawty what you drank?

So there is a bar in The Colony I go to called Pats Pub. It’s a fun place to stop by when I want to play darts or pool. Or listen to people sing horrible country songs… Or smell like 8000 cigarettes dipped in Coors Light aka piss.

Anyway, this past Friday I decided to stop by and see who was there after the Stars game (depressing OT loss.) A few friends from high school show up there every now and then, I saw my really good friend Lindsay and some of her friends from senior year. So I decided to stick around and play pool with them… First task? Get a pitcher of… Soda. When I went up to the bar the bartender couldn’t understand what I said, (I had been yelling at the game all night, my voice was hoarse.) and she poured us the wrong thing. At first I thought she was pouring it for someone else so I didn’t say anything. When she brought it to me I told her the correct order and she said it was on the house. I offered to pay anyway but she refused… I could tell it was going to be a decent night.

About 15 minutes later, a guy named Mitch comes up and offers us ANOTHER free pitcher. Hi, yes please. I even offered to pay the guy but he refused. Keep ‘em coming.

Anyway, night goes on… my friends hand me drinks. I’m having a good time. Warming up, being louder, telling stupid jokes. Then this couple:

shows up and makes out in the corner for a good 10 minutes. You see that purse on the pool table? It was still there when they left. So Mitch comes over and tells us he’s a bouncer or manager or something at a bar (more on this later) and “stupid bitches always do stuff like that at the bar.” Not to mention making out with ugly guys. Anyway, Mitch tells us to pay him back for the pitcher we have find out who the purse belongs to. Phillip just does the smart thing and takes it up to the bartender and tells them someone left it there. Back to pool. And shots… of energy drinks.

Mitch comes up again about fifteen minutes later and asks if we found out who’s purse it was, we tell him the plan. He thanks us and gives us VIP passes to his bar/club. Apparently that bar/club he works at? A. STRIP. CLUB. My friends only got one time passes but I received a… PERMANENT VIP PASS! PARTY OVER HERE!

(Dear family, I have never been to a strip club. Promise.)

So we ended up celebrating the rest of the night and because I really suck ass at pool AND darts… I decided to sing karaoke. The song choice?

Whitney Houston, “How Will I Know.”

Needless to say all the cougars on the prowl at the bar were totally into me.