A lot has been going on lately. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to be doing next month. Do I go to school out here? Do I just get a full time job somewhere out here and work for another year without going to school? Should I move back home and go to school there?
Two main thoughts have been going through my head the whole time. I’ll get into the second later… First, I cannot get in state tuition at SLCC or the University of Utah. You have to live here at least two years to get instate tuition. This sucks because I cannot afford out of state tuition. I was just going to stick it out another year out here (SLC) because I cannot take another year of living in Utah Valley. (I could get instate tuition at Utah Valley State.) After two plus years living there at two different points in my life, I’ve realized that it just isn’t for me. At all. I didn’t go on a Mormon mission and that will continue to haunt me if I continue to live in Utah Valley. Even girls who will go in my room to hang out with me (breaking the honor code rules) are concerned I didn’t go on a mission. Oh… cool. HYPOCRITE.
Even at work people treat you differently. “Oh, you didn’t go on a mission and you aren’t active in church? You’re probably not a good person.” Thanks. I love how people can be so judgmental all the time even though they’re taught every Sunday not to do such a thing. I used to be that way in high school, I probably lost a few good friendships because of it. It’s not worth it at all.
I could live in Salt Lake City with Andy and just work for another year, you’re right. Here comes the second reason though…
I keep having this nightmare that my dad is dying and I’m stuck out here and can’t get home in time to say goodbye to him. Quite possibly the worst dream I’ve ever had in my life, it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. My dad and I didn’t have the best relationship possible growing up. He has traveled out of the state nearly every week of my life since I was seven years old. There are times I remember talking to him on the phone when it was my birthday because he wasn’t in town. It’s never easy growing up without both your parents being there when you need them most.
We didn’t always get along, but who son and father do? I feel like this dream is telling me I need to move home and develop a real relationship with him. We were on that track before I moved back out here and I want to get back on it again.
It’s not like I’m having a bad time here, I’m still very torn. Heather and Jon have taken me in and cared for me like one of their own. We’ve had a few conversations about this and I always break down and cry because I really don’t want to leave them. Leta is like the little sister I never had growing up. She can always make me smile when I’m having a bad day. Chuck and I share a very special bond. When I get home from the grocery or working out he runs to the door and looks at me like, “Hey! You wanna go in your room? Yea?” He actually comes in every morning and lays in my bed with me. Right this moment he is SLEEPING ON MY PILLOW! Even though I am listening to sappy sad music, he’s probably taking notes anyway. “How to get chicks while playing the acoustic guitar.”
I’ve only told a few friends about moving home, and I dread telling the rest. It’s going to be hard (that’s what she said) but… I need to do this. I need to move back home. It just feels right.
23 responses so far ↓
educatedeclectic // Jul 26, 2007 at 6:32 pm
George - I have been a “lurker” through Dooce…just a quick thought. Why not take some online courses from an accredited university - and make sure they transfer, etc…then you can be wherever you need to be, WHEN you need to be there. At their beginning, online courses were considered “not real” but they have evolved, and are recognized as true classes. Very important to make sure they are from an accredited university but they exist. You can take classes at “home” or wherever you are….with your computer. Then as long as they can transfer, continue your studies at a school, “in person.”
It is really, really important, man, that you finish your schooling. I almost didn’t, once, and I am so glad I stayed in school. Much harder to go back than to find any way possible to stay.
Peace and best wishes to you.
ee
birdcantfly // Jul 26, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Bless you, Dorj. Best of luck to you. Remember there is no wrong decision as long as you make the best of it.
lg // Jul 26, 2007 at 8:10 pm
I had to make a decision quite similar about a year ago. I know how though it can be especially since you don’t really know what will happen once you do make that decision. I dunno if your a praying man, but if you are, pray about it. I wish you the best of luck. No matter what decision you make, God will make the best out of it even though it doesn’t seem like it at the time. And just to let you know, you can probably use Heather and Jons utility bills from two years ago to get into school so you dont have to pay the out of state fees. Thats what I did here in Vegas. :)
educatedeclectic // Jul 26, 2007 at 8:48 pm
lg…a minute of cognitive dissonance here:
Pray about it, but cheat on the residence requirement?
Ya sound like a “convenience” religious person to me, bro.
Kinda like one of them “cafeteria catholics”
Just sayin’
lostinutah // Jul 26, 2007 at 9:01 pm
George, not to continue the religious theme per se, but I have had a couple or two ephiphanies in my life.
They have ALWAYS proven true. Even when I thought I must be nuts for the decision I made.
But “we”, your readers, will miss you in Utah. You make me feel a bit less a fish out of water. Which is weird considering I’m over 40, not Mormon (practicing or not) and do not you know you, Heather, Jon or Leta. But you give me hopes, dude, that others like you live around me.
Hang in there and my prayers (I mean it) for you and your dad.
lg // Jul 26, 2007 at 10:25 pm
well “educatedeclectic” i guess i never thought of it that way. my parents were living here in vegas for a year, i came and joined them and used their bills for school since i was living with them anyways. but dont take stabs at me when you know nothing about me. i love it how the “religious” folks always get shot at just because they have faith in something. and if they ever do something wrong the “non-religious” are quick to point it out. as long as everyones trying to do their best, wether they believe in God or not, i dont see why it matters and people shouldnt be shot at for trying to help someone out. so thanks.
bklipfel // Jul 27, 2007 at 6:19 am
You got to do what’s right for you and your friends will understand that dude. And you can always visit the Blurbodoocery from time to time. Perhaps you can arrange Chuck visitation.
julieisthebest // Jul 27, 2007 at 6:40 am
My dad died and I wasn’t there. I will probably regret it for the rest of my life. If you feel like you should move home, do it. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
KiKi // Jul 27, 2007 at 7:19 am
George, we will follow you where ever you decide to go (the internet’s not stationary is it?) and support your decisions. If you do choose to leave the Blurbodoocery household, Leta will probably throw a fit b/c who’s going to have her back when mom says “No more Dora, time for a nap”, and Chuck might not leave your room for a week (who else can he listen to the Cure with and feel “misunderstood” with?), but in the end everything will be fine.
The online courses are a really smart way to go. At least you can feel like you’re heading in a general direction rather then feeling like you are spinning your wheels and getting nothing accomplished.
You do what you gotta do. We’ve got your back.
valjean91396 // Jul 27, 2007 at 7:26 am
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t let the opinion of others dictate the opinion of yourself. If certain people cannot accept you for you who are, they don’t deserve your attention and you shouldn’t waste your time or energy with them.
And the family that you’re missing so much in Texas? Sounds like you’ve described a wonderful family right in front of you. They love you, accept you for who you are and want you to be successful. That’s a better family than most people experience.
What would your father want you to do? As much as he would love to have you around, would he want it to be at the expense of you missing your education and a chance for a better future? Would he want you to miss your kids birthdays because you were out of town working to make ends meet?
Your dad loves you George and just wants what is best for you. Take advantage of the opportunities you have now and the rest will take care of itself.
Take care of you~
Valerie
educatedeclectic // Jul 27, 2007 at 10:18 am
LG, no need to get so testy over a small observation of someone sayin’ one thing and doin’ another.
GEORGE! // Jul 27, 2007 at 10:30 am
No more arguing. Play nice.
Ellen // Jul 27, 2007 at 10:46 am
If moving home feels right… do it. I’ve never regretted following a gut instinct. We have them for a reason.
m.e.d. // Jul 27, 2007 at 11:55 am
have you talked to your dad about this?
what do heather & jon think you should do?
i think you need to make very sure you’re taking care of yourself, and that whatever choices you make are the ones that make you feel most alive and most fulfilled. if you don’t at least do that, you’ll miss something, you’ll be disappointed, you’ll have regret.
anyway, good luck in your process.
xoxoxo
Brat // Jul 27, 2007 at 5:00 pm
As a parent who lives in Indiana and my daughter lives in Montana… let me just say that all I want for her is to be happy in her life.
I didn’t raise her to worry about ME. I raised her to spread her wings and find out where she best fits.
I don’t think your parents are any different, George.
And love doesn’t depend on proximity, thank God.
You will find your answers.
God bless you.
And kiss Chuck for me.
.
traveller0112 // Jul 28, 2007 at 10:15 pm
George!
From the time I was 20 (16 yrs ago) I started moving around the country–for college and back, to FL and back..
I’m leaning towards talking to your dad about this.
Some of my moves have been based on other people. Those times (including right now) I find myself less satisfied.
I know money makes the situation hard. The Mormon issue doesn’t help either.
Ever thought of this…check out jobs with airlines. You can stay in UT and fly to TX whenever you want to go. I managed to wrangle one just this week and I live near an airport with only 3 airlines and not so many flights.
Even if you end up working with Mormons, you leave and go home…AND maybe that hot girl will come through your station on her way to or from somewhere! :-P
traveller0112 // Jul 28, 2007 at 10:16 pm
that should read… “I’m leaning towards YOU talking to your dad about this… Sorry.
minxlj // Jul 30, 2007 at 5:42 am
Hey G, you know where I am if you want to chat, any time. Hope you’re doing OK :-)
Elizabeth // Jul 30, 2007 at 5:47 am
I really hope things work out for you. I’ll be praying
srising // Jul 30, 2007 at 7:36 am
Hi George. We met in Austin at that coffee shop when all of you came last year (that was awesome, by the way). It sounds like you are thinking about this a lot and are getting advice from many people who care about you. I’m sure that whatever you choose, it will be a good decision.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” An ancient proverb.
tlcjaba // Jul 30, 2007 at 7:54 am
Your post brought a welling to my throat as soon as you mentioned your dream. I cannot tell you how much I understand how you feel as I was your age and living out of state when my father started to have health issues. I could write a lot about this very subject because he just recently passed away but what I want to convey is that he was very proud of me no matter what I was doing or where I was living even though he didn’t always approve. I was on vacation when he decided to go, but he waited for me to get home. Just remember you’re young and awfully talented, whatever you decide to do is all apart of what life is all about.
dailypiglet // Aug 1, 2007 at 11:39 pm
well you opened up a can o’ worms, didnit you?
good post, feels honest to read it. i have some input but i’m going to email to you instead of putting it here.
Heatherface // Aug 11, 2007 at 3:20 am
Yup, I definitely skipped this one because of the length and ended up forgetting to come back to it. What can I say? My attention span shifts. I read your whole Vegas entry even though that was long, so see, I’m not lazy ALL the time.
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